In my early thirties, I was a lot less satisfied with my life than I am today, so I was really into reading about psychology, mostly in an effort to better understand how I could feel better and improve my life.

An exercise I remember well from that era was one I found in the book "How to Raise Your Self-Esteem" by the psychologist Nathaniel Branden. It asks you to make a list of all the areas in life, for example:

• Physical health

• Mental health

• Relationship

• Friends

• Family

• Job / Career

• Finances

• Fun

• Personal growth / Learning

• Emotions

• Your GRE prep

 

Next, assign a number from 1 to 10 to each area. The lower the number, the less responsibility you are currently taking for that part of your life, and the higher the number, the more responsibility. When I say "responsibility", I mean (as Branden puts it), "responsible as the chief causal agent in your life", NOT "the person to blame". 

It's also important to note that it's unlikely you have absolute control over everything in your life. There are always factors we cannot change by ourselves, and it's a mistake to believe certain things are under our control. However, most people have more agency than they realize.

If you're anything like me, there are certain areas of your life you realize you're taking almost complete responsibility for, and other areas that you're taking much less responsibility for. I think that's normal. Also, perhaps like me, you'll find that you like and respect yourself more in the areas with a high number than those with a lower number. 

I've been a moderator of the r/GRE subreddit for a few years now. One thing I've noticed is that the biggest success stories often come out of the blue - i.e., from someone who I haven't seen post before. It's my theory that these are the people who are inclined to take more responsibility for their GRE prep. They figure out how to do it, then get to work. 

This is in contrast to many of the low-effort posts I see. Many posters ask things like "how do I improve quant" or "please give me tips for RC". If someone is posting something like this, I assume the level of responsibility they're taking for their GRE prep at that moment isn't very high. When I ask people like this to do a task that requires more thoughtfulness, like to post a specific question and explain what they were thinking, or come up with their best effort at their own plan going forward, they almost never do it. These people rarely go on to post success stories. I believe if these people increased their self-responsibility for their GRE prep, they would do better.

So how can you become more responsible for your success with the GRE? I would start by realizing it's almost entirely under your control, and no one can do it for you. We need to think in terms of specific actions you can take:

• How can you prioritize your time better?

• How can you increase your focus?

• If your foundation is weak, what would prove it's strong?

• How would you know if you've mastered strategies?

• How would you know if you have enough experience with hard questions?

• How would you know if you've mastered time management?

• If you don't know what to do next, how might you find out?

Again, think about the specific, evidence-based answers to these questions. Like any area in life, GRE prep works better when you are the person who answers these questions as opposed to asking someone else to do the hard work for you. I'm not saying you shouldn't ask for help - just that you can make more progress than you think for yourself, and that presenting your best - your very best - effort at a solution will enable you to both improve more and get more targeted help if you do ask for it.