Do you like being around people who complain all the time? I don't. It's draining.

When someone talks about their negative feelings or experiences, they're asking the other person to acknowledge and perhaps share their emotion. That's perfectly normal and healthy. Most of us do this. By venting to a trusted friend or loved one, we can release some of that pent up emotion and hopefully feel seen.

However, what I think most people, including me, don't like is when someone complains in such a way that is contrary to accepting reality, or in such a way that makes it clear they aren't taking responsibility for their lives. This is what I find difficult to listen to. I like people who accept reality and take responsibility, as I suspect you do, too. Be careful who you spend time with - their traits will rub off on you. People on their way down will create drag; people on their way up will create lift.

As Jocko says, "no factor", meaning that you have more leeway than you think when deciding x is an obstacle to your progress. My military clients are my favorite people to work with because they tend to work the hardest and make the fewest excuses.

The GRE subreddit (r/GRE) occasionally has posts or comments that are really complaints. (BTW, the Gregmat forums are now a better place to get help than Reddit). People tend to complain that the GRE is a dumb test that doesn't measure anything, that ETS is greedy / evil, or that they can't study enough. Often these complaints say, explicitly or implicitly, that the person is effectively helpless to change their situation and are blaming external factors. They rarely end with a commitment to action.

Again, there might be usefulness to these posts on some level. They often generate commisserative comments which probably make the poster feel better. But as I often think, the Venn diagram overlap of people who complain about the GRE and people who do well on the GRE is not very big. In my view, casting the test as stupid is creating an unnecessary emotional burden, and dwelling on the idea you're a victim in this prep process is an unnecessarily limiting belief. The test is the test. ETS is ETS. You can't change either of those things. What you can do is prepare for the reality of the exam. You have many options if you have the discipline to act.

Furthermore, trying to get validation from anonymous strangers is not how we're wired. Most of us thrive on real interactions with real people.

If you feel the urge to complain, what works better? Therapy. Ok ok, I'm not saying you have to go see a professional therapist. But there is something powerful about having a real conversation with another human, especially a trusted friend. In person is best. Zoom is a distant runner up; same with phone - but both of those are better than, say, Reddit, or texting.

If you talk honestly with someone who is a good listener, something magical can happen. You will become more aware of what is really going on. You will probably then find it easier to accept that truth, and in turn, to realize what you can do to improve the situation. I think this works because the other person acts as a reality mirror. You don't want to bullshit them for various reasons, so you are likely to be honest. Knowing they are listening adds weight to your words. You might realize the truth for the first time, and that is the first step. If the domain is GRE prep, you'll get some clarity on what you can do and how to figure out what you need to know. If the domain is your life, you'll derive the same benefits.

The Bottom Line

Open and honest conversations with a trusted ally can help you not only feel better about GRE prep but also help you realize what you can do next, and do better. The more these conversations acknowledge reality and avoid blaming others or absolving yourself of taking responsibility for action, the more helpful they'll probably be.